A Decade of Horror: 2010 (aka: The Shit I watched)

Well, here it is, the grand finale to our little trek through a decade of horror films. Unfortunately, 2010 was a year where I just didn’t see that many horror films, and the ones I did see, weren’t very good.  So unlike the rest of theses lists that have focused on the best of a year, this is more of a short round-up of  The Shit I watched

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Oh God help me, I can’t believe I actually sat through this entire fucking train wreck.  For some reason, the Friday the 13th remake did well enough that someone thought it was a good idea to remake A Nightmare on Elm Street.  The only glimmer of hope I had for this film was the casting of Jackie Earl Haley as Freddy, and even that was destroyed once I watched the movie.  Terrible writing, a completely pointless subplot about Freddy being innocent, and Haley using the “Rorschach” voice from Watchmen throughout the film are just a few of the issues I have with this cinematic pile of dog shit.  I’m planning to review the film in full on Devour the Podcast at some point in the future, so look forward to my scathing, sarcasm filled diatribe about how horrible this film was. If you haven’t seen this, don’t bother.  If you paid to see this in the theater, I’m sorry.

Saw 3D

I’m a Saw fan, and have been since the original, but even I recognize that this franchise has had some terrible entries.  After the abysmal Saw V, the franchise seemed to recover with SawVI, and then promptly dove right back into the toilet with the release of Saw 3D.  Granted, I didn’t see this in 3D, so maybe the experience was different, but I saw My Bloody Valentine 3D in the theater, and despite how much fun I had seeing it, I can still say it was a terrible movie.  Saw 3D is such a  ham-fisted attempt at wrapping up the franchise while throwing in every “Wouldn’t this look cool in 3D” moment conceivable onto the screen. If this is really the end of the franchise, I can’t say I’m disappointed that it’s over.  They’ve effectively run this concept into the ground and the twists of who’s involved in the Jigsaw conspiracy have gotten so out of hand that having seen all the movies I’m still not entirely sure what the hell was going on half through half of them.

Meadowoods

The only good movie from 2010 that I saw, Meadowoods follows a group of college students who have decided to find out what it’s like to murder someone.  Unsettling and better than I expected it to be, Meadowoods is a gem lost in the shuffle of terrible horror movies released every few weeks to Netflix’s Instant Watch service.

8213 Gacy House

Rarely do I feel the urge to throw things through my television while watching a movie.  This movie however had me reaching for the heaviest aerodynamic object I could find within the first five minutes.  A group of “Paranormal Investigators” (AKA: Fucking morons with cameras) decide to go investigate John Wayne Gacy’s home……except that it’s not actually Gacy’s house.  I know what you’re thinking,  why is this movie called Gacy House if it doesn’t actually take place in Gacy’s house? I don’t know.  They even say in the beginning of the film that this isn’t the house where Gacy committed the murders, it’s just some house he rented at some point in his life.  Now I realize that shooting a film in the “Real” former home of John Gacy would be in terrible taste, but if your story is supposed to be about investigating John Gacy’s house, could you at least pretend like it’s the house where the murders occurred? I mean, that seems like the most logical way for the story to go right?  Of course it is, but this movie doesn’t seem to care about logic, or storytelling, or entertainment.  Fuck this movie.  Few movies have pissed me off as much as this one did, and even fewer have the distinction of keeping me watching until the end.  I can only say I hoped it would get better, or that it would turn out to be a “so bad it’s good” movie.  It wasn’t.  It was a waste of 91 minutes of my life that I’ll never get back.  Fuck You Anthony Fankhauser, just fuck you.

Well, that’s it for my Decade of Horror series, and it’s sad that it ended on such a low note.  If I happen to watch any more films released in 2010, I will update this list.

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